Working working working, and the sun rises and sets and our lives carry on and the lives of others swirl around us and intertwine and launch off into new directions...i am overwhelmed by the constantness of everything, by the extreme juggling act my daily living has become.
I'm learning how to co-ordinate larger projects with Jumblies Theatre these days - doing my best to learn how to bring people together at the right times and help all involved towards a common, not-yet-visible goal - and at the same time trying to forge time to have my own small secret life on the interior. How to split my conciousness between these things, the large many-directioned collective and the sort-of small and personal quiet? A question, and another question --- these days it's always asking questions.
Like, how come we so easily disregard our old people?
And, does recycling really happen?
And, if so many of our stories follow along similar twists and turns, why is it so hard to listen to each other?
*******
This just in from one of the wellsprings of inspiration in my life, Jeanette Winterson -
"For the first time ever, I have momentarily given way to despair. I look at my geo-thermal heating system, and my eco-bulbs, and my recycling, and my half a bag of rubbish per week, and all the trees and hedging I’ve planted – not just now but over the years, and I feel like I’ve done nothing – or rather the something that I have done is nothing.
But I know I can’t think like that. No matter how little, no matter how pointless it seems it has to be done, because as well as the direct impact, there is something harder to quantify, which is a spirit of change. And that only happens when more and more of us believe that our efforts are worth the effort.
If one more person says to me ‘Ah but China… meaning so what’s the point of anything we do, I will stuff their smug, knowing despondent face in a bucket of low-fat yoghurt.
HOW WE LIVE MAKES A DIFFERENCE. If we fall victim to the ideology of apathy we go straight down into that Dante circle of Hell reserved for those ‘who wilfully live in sadness.’ The sad shake of the head, the worldly-wise shrug of the shoulders, what can we do? Answer – everything we can do, big and small, and bring up the kids to do better. There might still be time. I believe in second chances and miracles, whatever the weather, whatever the science. Oh God, give it a go. Who is to say for sure that it’s too late?"
Go see her website if you like - www.jeanettewinterson.com/index.asp
I must keep on, juggling like crazy and curving inward around that small quiet dark i keep lit by my little candle, both at the same time - and continue believing how we live makes a difference, in the face of it all.
Is that my revolution now?
Maybe, and keeping asking questions.
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